Well I finally started putting some of my stuff up. What began as a method to find luscious Sesshoumaru/Kagome fanart (if you look at my favorites, you'll see what I mean) has now turned into a much needed vehicle of emotional release. I've come to realize that I've become much too shut off from my emotions. I've become to much of the "put your head down and push through it" kind of person. Which isn't bad. I think all in all I have a pretty healthy grip on my life and I'm pretty happy. But I do think I cut off a lot of who I am. Consciously or unconsciously. Whether somewhere through all my trials and tribulations, it was formed as some kind of self protection mechanism...or if I'm honestly just to busy to touch base with myself anymore...I couldn't say. Maybe a bit of both.

At anyrate, self-editing gets a might tedious after awhile and it's no way to live. It's a little scary. The last time self-expression was a big part of my life...everything that came out was kind of a bummer (again, if you reference my poetry, you'll see what I mean). However, I'm not a child anymore. I'm not on the cusp of uncertain self-awareness anymore. I can accept who I am, but hopefully reach for more. I've just come to realize that I've forgotten a big part of who I can be. Even though I'm not that child anymore...I tell ya, it was a hoot to go back and read the kind of thoughts she used to have. I realized...wow...she had a pretty interesting mind. It'd be nice to cultivate that again. And whether or not I achieve it...whether or not tomorrow, I go back to the grindstone and forget this whole thing...for now it feels nice. For now I'll enjoy this moment of having my muses stirring up in me a bit. Of feeling like I have something to say. Even if tommorrow I realize that I haven't really said anythign at all. For now. It feels nice. And I'll take it.

Well that's all for now. Don't want to spoil this beautiful moment with over processing.

Ta ta for now!

-Noelle